I’m blessed beyond measure! I appreciate everyone for the birthday wishes, the gifts, the parties, the trips, and the hangouts. This birthday celebration was probably the best and I’ve done some top tier celebrating over the years. After losing a close friend this year, who always celebrated with me, I was skeptical about celebrating. I felt like it wasn’t fair to celebrate with her gone. I walked around angry and mad with everyone and everything. It affected every aspect of my life. Even the gym. One of my gym friends in my head came up to me and asked what was going on because my workouts didn’t seem the same. I was fine sitting in this stupor but knew I needed to get out of it. I had to get back to me before I turned 40. I didn’t want to look back on my 40th and always remember it as a negative time. But at the same time I felt it wasn’t fair to celebrate a birthday when my homie was never gonna celebrate another one of her birthdays. Gym friend in my head reminded me that I was still here and if I wanted to enjoy life I’d have to enjoy it or it would be hell on earth for me and my girl wouldn’t want that for me. “You still have memories of her, cherish those and live your life. It’ll honor her.” He was right. I missed her cerebration of life because I wanted to make memories with my family on vacation. It felt selfish but how could I rob my family of time with me when we don’t know how much longer we have left on this plane? I don’t want my younger nieces to remember me as the auntie that was always choosing everyone else over them. I want them to remember me as the auntie that showed up, the fun auntie, the auntie that was there. My friend and I made plenty of memories and had she been here, she would’ve understood. She would’ve been pissed if I didn’t celebrate my 40th birthday. We talked about it coming up a lot.
The entire month of October I did self reflection. I had a milestone coming up and needed to assess how far I’ve come in order to know what I needed to work on in these next ten years. So, here’s 41 (I’ve added one for good measure) lessons I’ve learned in the last 40 years:
Forgive your parents. They did the best that they could. They are human just like you and there is no manual for life. They aren’t perfect just like you aren’t. Take them off that pedestal and see them for who they are. Same for pastors, teachers and others in authority. We expect them to be super human.
Forgive yourself for your past mistakes. You can’t change them but you can learn from them so that you don’t keep repeating them.
Choose those that choose you. You’ll waste your time trying to get someone to SEE you. They choose not to and that’s ok.
Don’t tell all your business. Even if it’s to a friend. You may find out they aren’t a real friend.
Use discernment. We have it for a reason.
Have accountability. Take responsibility for what you do. The devil ain’t make you do it lol. You made a choice.
Be with your feelings, but don’t harbor on it. Don’t let it fester too long.
You only die once. You live every day.
Celebrate yourself. Not everyone makes it. You’re still here, don’t wait until you’re gone for others to celebrate your life.
Celebrate others while they’re here. Don’t wait until their fune, they won’t be there to feel the love. It’s too late then.
Tell those you love that you love them, often. And while you can. You don’t want to regret it after they’re gone. Give out hugs too! You never know when someone may need one.
It’s ok to change your perception. A lot of what we’ve learned was from someone who was winging it too. Reading books may help with this.
Obesity, heart disease, diabetes and all that other stuff is not just genetic or cultural. It’s in your actions. You can choose not to clean your plate or have a big meal every meal. You don’t even have to have 3 meals a day.
Meditate and fast. Have quiet time and be with your thoughts. Fasting teaches restraint and discipline. It also helps with your waistline.
Take the trip, even if it’s solo. Don’t be afraid just be smart. Going solo gives you a chance to do what you want, when you want and you have time to reflect.
Go on solo dates. It’s ok to have alone time. You need it to recharge. Don’t be offended when someone wants alone time either. It’s not about you, it’s about them.
Make sure your friends aren’t just hang out partners. Choose friends who have deep conversations and are good connections.
Don’t be the smartest in your circle. Be open to learn from others. With that, take advice from those who are where you want to be.
Great minds don’t always think alike. They have differing opinions. It’s ok to disagree on things. You may learn a new perspective. Don’t be afraid of a new perspective either.
Have at least 4 banking accounts. One for your bills, one for emergencies, one for travel, and one for fun. The accounts that are for emergencies and travel should be high yielding savings accounts that you don’t have immediate access to. Let them grow while you save.
Pay yourself first. Save what you can and then pay your bills.
You don’t always have to be on the scene. Take time away from partying all the time.
Get a therapist. You have to get things out of your head. Add journaling to this one too.
You get more bees with honey than you do with vinegar. Be kind, it goes a long way. There are more perks. Have empathy for others. We’re all on a different journey. You may not know where they are on theirs. Your kindness may help them find their way on their journey. Have patience and compassion too.
Exercise. It’s not only to improve the way you look. That is a result, but exercising decreases joint pain. If you’re having pain now imagine what life will be like for you as you get older. Take care of your body like you take care of your car.
Get regular physicals.
Words have power. Choose positive words to speak over yourself and others. You’re not broke, you’re waiting on a breakthrough with your finances.
Don’t keep tabs.
Give. Do it quietly and watch it return.
Money will come back, time doesn’t. Miss work every now and then for yourself or your family.
Make memories with those you love. That’s a part of your legacy.
Be understanding. Some times people just can’t do what you want them to do.
We are merely reflections of others. How you see me is a reflection of yourself. If I’m viewed negatively by you, check the mirror. There’s something you may need to heal so that you can grow.
How someone reacts is on them and has little to nothing to do with you. If you have something to say, say it. With love though.
God wouldn’t put something on your heart to do if you didn’t have the tools to do it. You are well equipped. Look past what you see and believe that it can be done. Don’t doubt yourself.
Don’t wait for the perfect time. It may never come. Just do it.
When you make a plan stick with it. Especially if it involves others.
Care about your appearance. It’s the first thing people notice. You should care. People treat you how they feel you treat yourself.
Declutter your space. Your home should be a place of peace and not chaotic. Make it comfortable, warm, and welcoming.
Choose joy in every situation. Have a feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
Have a heart of gratitude. Always give thanks.
Life be life-ing but your perception of it has a lot to do with how it goes for you. Take what I’ve learned in these 40 years and apply it to your life and see how things change for you. There are more lessons I’ve learned but felt these were the most valuable ones that have helped me come this far. I’m not a professional but I’ve officially been around for a minute lol. I’m still winging it myself. Take with that what you will. Enjoy life!
Here are a few pictures of baby me and from celebrating my 40th birthday.
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